Note from Danny: This is a guest essay written by Julie Shackman, a romance author and former journalist from Scotland.
Growing up, she was bullied in school, and as I read her essay, I found myself first heartbroken by what she endured and then inspired to see how she found the determination to persevere first as a student and later as a writer.
I’m excited to share Julie’s piece with you. If you are interested in supporting her work, her novels are available at HarperCollins and Amazon. Additionally, half of any premium subscriptions generated by this post will go to Julie.
Don’t get even, get ahead
By Julie Shackman | Special to Grudgery
School days are supposed to be the most wonderful days of your life.
I beg to differ.
For years, I was bullied daily by a group of classmates.
From spiteful comments about my intelligence and appearance, to teasing about my parents’ divorce, this clique of boys and girls did everything they could to make my school days utter hell.
When they weren’t spitting venom at me, they would ignore me and act as though I didn’t exist.
They’d attempt to trip me up as I made my way to assembly, give me a hard shove in the back or pull my chair away just as I was about to sit at my desk.
My late mother complained to the school. She was told I had “a vivid imagination,” that I’d exaggerated what had been taking place and what had occurred was merely “childhood banter.”
It didn’t stop at primary school. It continued when I attended secondary school, too.
If this situation occurred today, I hope it would be treated with the severity it deserves.
It didn’t necessarily help that I was rather good at English and creative writing. Some of my teachers insisted on reading my stories aloud for the rest of the class. You can imagine how well that was received.
I’m now 57, but experiences like that stay with you. They may fade, but they still linger in the recesses of your mind. Even now, if I witness a child being taunted or bullied by other kids, I head straight over there.
I remember years ago my wonderful, late mother telling me, “The best revenge is success.”
I also happened to read about a few well-known people who said they had experienced bullying at school, and this had fueled their determination to do well and make a success of their life. I felt a burning desire to try and achieve my goals, too.
I vowed to work hard, be determined, persistent and throw everything I could at my writing, in order to become a published author.
It has been a tough and long road, littered with hundreds of rejections from agents and publishers, but today, I’m represented by a well-known and terrific Australian literary agent.
I’ve had 15 novels published so far, the last 11 with HarperCollins. The most recent was just released as an e-book, with the audio and paperback editions out in September.
I wouldn’t say that I bear a grudge against those who bullied me, but I certainly can’t and won’t forget what they did. I can’t forgive them, either.
These individuals knew exactly what they were doing.
But the cruel and systematic way they treated me, veering from verbal cruelty one minute, to completely ignoring me the next, made me determined to achieve my dreams.
I trained as a journalist. I’ve won prestigious writing competitions. I’ve been invited to write for newspapers and magazines. Apart from my romance novels, I also write verses and captions for greeting-card companies. I even undertook a bit of fashion modeling back in the day.
I love the adage: “A published writer is an unpublished writer who never gave up.” It is so true.
Recently, one of my former class bullies reached out to me on social media, commenting that she’d noticed I was now a published author.
I was stunned and angry. How dare she think she can contact me and act like an old, long-lost friend given the way she’d treated me?
I was on the point of ignoring her friend request. Then I considered sending her a rude rebuttal, but that would mean sinking to her level. I wasn’t prepared to do that.
An inner voice advised me to reply. I kept it short and sweet, mentioning my life now and my books.
She responded with a brief reply, congratulating me. She hasn’t contacted me since.
Their behavior towards a shy, book-loving kid was inexcusable, but I learned that their actions said everything about them and nothing about me.
To anyone out there who might be experiencing what I did, please confide in someone and remind yourself that they see something in you, which makes them feel inferior.
Embrace that, run with it and you’ll come out on top in the end.
As for forgiveness? That’s for you to decide.
If you are interested in supporting Julie’s work, her novels are available at HarperCollins and Amazon. Additionally, half of all premium subscriptions generated by this post will go to Julie.
My life in Oregon. And my similar attitude. Although mine started with a medical diagnosis in Jr High that explained a lot, and I knew I couldn’t be a “ditch digger”.
Often irked me too as it did her. But tried to have that Reagan Teflon jacket.
May not have her “success” but made a living and been able to help family and friends over the years financially. More important than childish bully’s.
Julie could even go as far as thanking the bullies for powering her success and dreams, but I appreciate she took the high road :)
If they don't already feel bad about their actions, they won't because you remind them.