You've got to spell out why you're mad. This is a little tricky, though. The real reason you're mad is almost certainly about more than the basic facts of what happened.
Thanks for writing this. It is helpful to learn from your experience. I haven't experienced anything this extreme but this is helpful insight and reflection to help me overcome my grudgery.
Grudges, and the acts of revenge they can fuel, are often presented as a toxin, some sort of looming obsession that can cause you to behave in all sorts of regrettable ways. I think it's more helpful to think of a grudge as a natural tendency that humans have to feeling we've been harmed. This tendency has been sharpened through thousands of years of natural selection back when we were living in primitive, tribal societies.
I'm not sure you need to purge every grudge or to forgive every person you feel has harmed you. I think some can be easily be reframed as boundaries. I think that when a grudge continues to cause you emotional pain -- and my grudge against my stepfather absolutely was -- then unknotting that particular grievance can be specifically productive.
I really found this to be an interesting piece. It’s very thoughtful, honest, vulnerable and mature. You present information and personal experience in an ego-free and self-reflective manner. I look forward to future columns on the topic and enjoy reading all your work. You’re great with Mitch too!
Hey Erik, this is super nice of you to say, and I'm glad you enjoyed the piece. It has been a very different subject matter and approach for me, and I'm still kind of finding my way so when I hear that it has connected with someone, it's really helpful.
Thanks for writing this. It is helpful to learn from your experience. I haven't experienced anything this extreme but this is helpful insight and reflection to help me overcome my grudgery.
Grudges, and the acts of revenge they can fuel, are often presented as a toxin, some sort of looming obsession that can cause you to behave in all sorts of regrettable ways. I think it's more helpful to think of a grudge as a natural tendency that humans have to feeling we've been harmed. This tendency has been sharpened through thousands of years of natural selection back when we were living in primitive, tribal societies.
I'm not sure you need to purge every grudge or to forgive every person you feel has harmed you. I think some can be easily be reframed as boundaries. I think that when a grudge continues to cause you emotional pain -- and my grudge against my stepfather absolutely was -- then unknotting that particular grievance can be specifically productive.
I really found this to be an interesting piece. It’s very thoughtful, honest, vulnerable and mature. You present information and personal experience in an ego-free and self-reflective manner. I look forward to future columns on the topic and enjoy reading all your work. You’re great with Mitch too!
Hey Erik, this is super nice of you to say, and I'm glad you enjoyed the piece. It has been a very different subject matter and approach for me, and I'm still kind of finding my way so when I hear that it has connected with someone, it's really helpful.