I tend to cling to every perceived slight or implied disrespect. I came across an interview this week that showed the benefits I could get by using words to explain how I feel.
I tend to do the the same thing. Rarely, is offense intended. I would say almost never is offense intended. I want to get to a place were I never take offense. I would like to get more of your insight as to how one can reach the that place. This is an interesting and important article. Thanks, Richard Metcalf
These are tactics/techniques that have been suggested to me over the years (often by my therapist(s):
— Try to pin down, specifically, why you feel offended/bothered. Then ask yourself, “Do you think this person intended to make me feel this way?”
— Are there other potential explanations for why this person said/did that? What are they?
The truth is that while he may know what was said/done, and we certainly know how we feel, we have no way of knowing the other person’s motivation or intention. When we’re hurt, we’re more likely to be accusatory or to assume the worst about others.
Talking to the person can provide some relief/clarity as well, but if you do bring up the subject, it’s best to use a format like, “When you said/did X, it made me feel Y.” Just as we can’t know their underlying motivation, they can’t be expected to know how we’re going to interpret or react to what they’ve done. Explaining the way you feel is different from blaming them for the way you feel.
Hope that helps. Again, thanks so much for reading!
I tend to do the the same thing. Rarely, is offense intended. I would say almost never is offense intended. I want to get to a place were I never take offense. I would like to get more of your insight as to how one can reach the that place. This is an interesting and important article. Thanks, Richard Metcalf
Hi Richard: Thanks for reading!
These are tactics/techniques that have been suggested to me over the years (often by my therapist(s):
— Try to pin down, specifically, why you feel offended/bothered. Then ask yourself, “Do you think this person intended to make me feel this way?”
— Are there other potential explanations for why this person said/did that? What are they?
The truth is that while he may know what was said/done, and we certainly know how we feel, we have no way of knowing the other person’s motivation or intention. When we’re hurt, we’re more likely to be accusatory or to assume the worst about others.
Talking to the person can provide some relief/clarity as well, but if you do bring up the subject, it’s best to use a format like, “When you said/did X, it made me feel Y.” Just as we can’t know their underlying motivation, they can’t be expected to know how we’re going to interpret or react to what they’ve done. Explaining the way you feel is different from blaming them for the way you feel.
Hope that helps. Again, thanks so much for reading!